Tragedy of all tragedies this morning. . . Microsoft Excel’s response time had climbed to ten minutes per query.

For Mike, this was bad news. He had several queries to perform and he hated slow moving PC applications.

By his second query he smacked his keyboard. He kept smacking the keyboard harder and harder until Kim showed up with a smile and glassy eyes.

“Whoa there, stud,” she hummed. “Save a keyboard and ride a cowgirl.”

Well known in the office was Kim’s love of all things country.

Mike replied, “You know I’m a little bit rock and roll.”

“Yeah I know, but you can’t blame a girl for trying. What seems to be the problem there, partner?” Kim asked. “You seem worked up. Banging that keyboard isn’t going to help. You’d be better off banging a co-worker.”

“Don’t tell me you don’t know,” Mike said.

“I could name a few problems there, Buckaroo,” sang Kim. “Why don’t you tell me which one is really bothering you, then you can thank me later?”

“Excel is slow again,” Mike said. “Make a call to IT?”

Kim whipped out her cell phone. She sweet talked the IT guy to clean the cache again. Then she hung up.

“Try it now, partner.”

Mike did. Miraculously Excel completed the query in mere seconds.

“Thanks, Kim,” Mike said.

“Don’t worry, you can thank me later.”

Mike found himself confronted with an opportunity to bang a cow. A sentiment to Which Mike responded with a silent fart.

Crisis averted.